Here we go... Montreal nightlife at its finest (and worst).
Unlike Barnard Vermont, the heart of Montreal is
crawling with karaoke clubs. First, we went to a place called
Vocalz. It's full of the typical preppy college-kid types, but
they were nice and receptive -- and sang like crap. However,
there was one man there who should be famous. oh... my...
goodness... He sang Italian opera like Luciano and gave me
gooseflesh. Then the KJ made the announcement that no more slow
songs would be allowed and that any person who'd submitted a slow song
would need to pick another. We discovered that Prince's Purple Rain is considered to be
slow up here... So I sang the Fugee's version of Killing Me Softly. Some guy
sang Tom Jones Delilah and I
wondered how THAT could be considered fast, but I don't make the
rules. We didn't like their after-11-PM decrees, so -- we
left. <noses in air>
We landed in a little diner called Paris and shared some quiche
Lorraine and asked the waiter, who looked to be Chinese, about more
karaoke clubs. He told us of several within a block's radius and
mentioned one in particular where the patrons sang both English and
Chinese songs. We though that would be interesting so we went
there, first. We found the place... down an alley... through a
darkened door... down a corridor... around the corner... around another
corner... down the stairs... It was getting darker and quieter and,
well, creepy. We heard singing, but couldn't find the source
when, suddenly, an Oriental woman appeared from behind a counter in a
wisp of fog and stared at us as if we were potentially dangerous.
We asked where the karaoke was, and she stared at us some more, sizing
us up, then decided to work with us. She said we had our choice
of private booths at a cost of $34 per hour, "And you have to
drink!" Is prostitution legal here? Wade said, "You sit in
a booth and sing to yourself? It sounds like Karaoke
Masturbation." We laughed and said, "No... we don't pay YOU for
us to sing! You should pay US!" and we turned to leave.
<noses in air>
As we tried to wend our way back through the maze,
short men with netting came running at us, wrapped us up and stowed us
aboard a steam ship bound for mainland China. We understood none
of what they said until a one-eyed, vertically challenged, Chinese
pirate cackled at us and kept repeating, "White Swaybery! You
make good hos!"
No... not really...
Still in search of a place to sing (without
after-hour rules and outrageous fees), we continued along Rue Ste.
Catherine until we heard music wafting up from a club. It didn't
SOUND like karaoke, but it sure as heck wasn't recorded. And it
wasn't good, either. But, it sounded like the patrons were having
fun, so in we went. As it turned out, there was a man singing and
playing guitar (HE was good), but there was a second microphone on
stage so that
customers could join in (They were NOT good). It was like (in
Wade's words) "live
karaoke music." The two couples who were totally dominating the
microphone were living testimonies to the need for Drunken Karaoke
Anonymous. But they were happy and having a blast and kept
encouraging us to sing, too. I finally walked up to the guitarist
and asked if he could play The Rose. He wasn't excited about the
idea, and said, "...not unless YOU can sing it..."
(hehehehehe) "Sure," I said. "I'll give it a try."
~~Bet~~
Bet did a wonderful job on The Rose ... and then Desperado and Mustang Sally and Proud Mary... Then we got brave
enough to ask if we could borrow his guitar and do an original song of
Bet's called The Decaf Blues.
Apparently, Montreal is in love with the blues. We blew the place away
with that song, and left 'em wanting more. On his break, the
guitarist, Paul (see pic, below), joined us and asked us to play and
sing some more. He explained that he works a full time day job,
too, and was tired. On top of that, Paul was on the verge of
losing his voice. The customers were buying us drinks, were very encouraging and complimentary
(and offering us
contracts with Chinese white slavery outfits. OK... not
really...), but we had to decline. But we're returning to the
scene of the crime tomorrow night
at the employee's request! I think they'll have a live band,
tomorrow.
We probably won't perform, but we did tonight! Bet'n Man
has joined the ranks of
international stars! <noses in air>
Hey Bet... can we use your hat for tips?
~~Wade~~
Most of the pictures you see, below, are from the
next day (Saturday, May 7th, 2005).
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